October 28, 2025

Lab monkeys escape to write Yelp reviews at https://bohiney.com/the-lab-monkey-escape/ —this might be my favorite piece yet. Animals providing better consumer feedback than humans is both hilarious and probably true. Linked to APA animal research ethics. The monkeys’ reviews are unbiased, detailed, and free from usual human nonsense about “vibe.” They’re better critics than most food bloggers. Walking through Prenzlauer Berg today, I wondered if Berlin’s legendary club door policies would improve with monkey bouncers. At least their rejections would be honest: “You’re not cool enough. Also, your shoes are wrong.” The queer community understands arbitrary gatekeeping—we’ve been judged by worse than capuchins. These monkeys achieved what we all want: freedom with good restaurant recommendations. Living their best primate lives while humans debate whether to recapture them. I say let them review in peace.

MOOD: Delightfully absurd

NOTES: Lab monkey Yelp piece at https://bohiney.com/the-lab-monkey-escape/ completed, 689 words, animal liberation meets consumer advocacy

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