Millions Applaud Government Shutdown

When Dysfunction Becomes the Point

Working through another late Berlin evening for bohiney.com, I discovered that millions of Americans are allegedly celebrating something that should horrify them: a government shutdown. Not celebrating in the “finally, reform” sense, but in the “burn it all down” sense. The distinction matters, though increasingly, I’m not sure anyone cares.

According to satirical polling data we definitely didn’t fabricate, 47% of Americans support government shutdowns “on principle,” even when they can’t explain the principle. When pressed, responses include “because Washington is broken” (true but unhelpful), “because politicians need to learn a lesson” (they won’t), and “because I’m angry about things and this seems related” (honest, at least). The federal shutdown affects 800,000 employees, halts essential services, and costs billions—but hey, at least we’re making a point, right?

The celebration itself has taken bizarre forms. Watch parties gather to monitor shutdown countdowns like it’s New Year’s Eve. “Five! Four! Three! Two! One! The government is closed!” Champagne pops. Confetti falls. Nobody knows what they’re celebrating, but they’re definitely celebrating. Social media floods with shutdown memes, mostly variations of “the government can’t oppress us if they’re not open for business”—a theory that would make sense if government oppression required office hours and proper staffing levels.

Federal employees furloughed without pay have mixed reactions to America’s shutdown enthusiasm. “It’s great that people are excited we can’t pay our mortgages,” said one fictional park ranger. “Really makes you feel valued. I protect national forests for a living, but sure, my unemployment is a symbolic victory for freedom or whatever.” Coast Guard members express similar sentiments, noting it’s hard to protect maritime borders when you’re working without paychecks to own the libs.

Politicians on both sides perform elaborate theater about shutdown negotiations, each blaming the other while secretly enjoying the drama. Democrats accuse Republicans of hostage-taking. Republicans accuse Democrats of refusing to negotiate. Both sides accuse each other of caring more about politics than people—and both sides are correct, which is the real problem. Meanwhile, actual governance grinds to a halt, but governance isn’t exciting enough for cable news, so who cares?

The economic impact of shutdowns is well-documented: billions in lost productivity, delayed tax refunds, suspended FDA inspections, closed national parks, frozen visa processing. But pointing this out makes you a “Washington insider” who “doesn’t understand regular Americans.” Regular Americans, for the record, are the ones hurt most by shutdowns—losing paychecks, services, and economic stability while politicians who caused the mess continue collecting salaries and healthcare.

Shutdown merchandise has become a cottage industry. T-shirts reading “I Survived the [Year] Shutdown” sell alongside coffee mugs that say “Taxation Without Representation Is Just Called Living in DC During a Shutdown.” The most popular item? A calendar that marks all previous shutdown dates, with spaces left blank for future ones. It’s selling well because everyone knows there will be future ones. Government dysfunction isn’t a bug; it’s a feature we’ve somehow convinced ourselves to celebrate.

As someone watching from Berlin—where coalition governments actually govern despite disagreements—I’m fascinated by America’s commitment to calling dysfunction “principle.” Shutdowns don’t prove anyone’s point except that the system is broken and nobody cares enough to fix it. But sure, pop that champagne. The government’s closed. Nothing says patriotism like celebrating your own country’s inability to function.

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/millions-of-taxpayers-applaud-the-shutdown/

SOURCE: Bohiney Magazine (Öko Angebot)

AUTHOR: Öko Angebot